it's finals. everything is due. I feel like I'm a rotten mommy. I feel like I'm a lousy daughter. I feel like I'm a zombie employee. I overbooked myself in ways to volunteer - for things I really love to help with, and in ways I'll actually get to be with my kids, just I forgot, AGAIN, that they all happen at once, at the SAME time as finals! But this morning, thanks to a wonderful wise person reminding me to, I re-started my mantra of "I'm doing the best I can" and by tonight, I emailed my huge grandiose oh-so-spectacular spine-tingling essay on ... predicates (you know, the part of the sentence with the verb in it - I know, I know, truly an inspiring topic. The oral presentation was mindbogglingly touching and thrilling. You should have been there.)
Now I'm off to do more of "the best I can." Good night
Example of "doing the best I can" - I had a little bit of time, the weather was perfect, I gathered my younger two and told them we were going to plant flowers! (due to ankle, we planted NO flowers last year, NO vegetables last year, and NOT even our yearly attempt at growing our own cilantro) Back to this year - They were excited, I was excited, project began, Jacob lost interest almost immediately. "Jacob, I thought you wanted to plant flowers with me," I said. "You said we were going to PLANT flowers Mom," Jacob says in that "Oh you have totally misled your children and you should FEEL the SHAME of your actions" voice he does so well. I look around at the dirt and the plants and my filthy fingernails and say, "we are planting flowers." His head whips around to glare at me, "NO Mom - you need SEEDS to PLANT!" he informs me, the misinformed/guilty one, as he glares at the little crate I got of flowers on sale. "Oh honey," I tell him, "I plant flowers like I cook. I need a starter kit."
Another example of "doing the best I can" - I watered the flowers really well that first day, and for the next few days I got them some water, then for a couple days I remembered that I should water them, and by today, until just now (which is technically early tomorrow morning) I forgot we had flowers to water. Have to remember to water flowers tomorrow ...
